Story Time at the Potter's
by toastmonger
Summary: Harry won't go to sleep, so it's up to James to tell Harry a story, James tells the story of how he and Lily met...*newly updated!*
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer-I do not own any characters, they all belong to J.K.Rowling.

It was 9'o'clock Saturday evening. Lily had gone to see a movie with some old Hogwarts friends, and this left James alone with Harry for the night. James found himself in a nasty predicament indeed. He had been trying, without success, to put Harry to sleep for the last hour. He had tried holding Harry (Harry just smiled at him), rocking Harry (Harry still just smiled), he had even tried singing to Harry (Harry had laughed at this one). James stood and stared at Harry, who was sitting on the couch. James noticed as he ran his finger through his untidy black hair so similar to his son's, how obstinate-ly happy, and stubborn his shockingly green eyes were, so similar to his mother.

"Ah ha," James cried as inspiration struck, "I'll write to Dumbledore!" He hastily scribbled a note,

Dear Dumbledore,

Got any advice on putting Harry to sleep? Harry doesn't seem to want to coperate…what should I do? Write back immediately…

James

attached it to his fastest owl, and sent the note off. He sat down beside Harry. "Well, all we have to do now is wait." James swore he saw Harry raise his eyebrows expectantly. "Well, what do you want to do? I suppose you're too young for wizard chess? Yeah, thought so…I know! I'll tell you a story." James situated Harry on one knee. "I'll tell you how I met your mother…

TO BE CONTINUED…

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	2. Chapter 2

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Author's note: Well, it's been like a year since I worked on this story, and I really only had a good beginning and ending to start off with-no real idea for a story. But I was bored lately, so my friend and I got to work on it--which quickly turned into a big Lily-James satire…soooo…if you really liked the beginning and were hoping for a nice sappy love story--NOT TO WORRY! I may actually write one one day…in the meantime read this, and I hope it gives you a laugh…or not….or whatever…

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"Now then Harry, where was I? OH yes. I hadn't started yet." Harry stared at his father, smiling.

  
Bleee bleeee bleeee as we are magically transported into James's story…

  


It was the approaching evening from a hot and humid day. The cicadas were floating lazily above the still crystal violet waters of the lake. The trees gave off a mystical light creating a veritable grotto of mystical light. I was sitting on the lake, feeding breadcrumbs to the giant squid; I mean, umm, chunks of freshly baked wheat, yeast, salt and other mystical spices. Yeah. So I was sitting there, melancholy because all of the girls wanted me only for my dashing good looks, my skills at Quidditch, and my incredible brains. I was an incredible six foot seven, a giant among wizards with eyes like a tiger, golden and intelligent, and yet somehow still the liquid pools of milk chocolate. My gorgeous jet-black hair ruffled in the wind, stylishly. I had a fantastic physique from my prowess on the field. Dwelling on these thoughts, I did not hear the soft footsteps approaching my retreat. A soft, sultry voice was heard behind me.

"Ahem?" I didn't look up, so lost in my deep and philosophical musings was I. 

"EXCUSE ME!??!! Are you quite deaf?" I look up into a pair of beautiful emeralds. Her eyes were like limpid waters of the Caribbean. Her skin had both the texture and color of a spring violet, um, the pinkish kind. Her rouge tresses were elegantly arranged into a complex coif, but some had escaped the confinements to caress her back in their silky waves.

James was jerked back into the future by young Harry's wails of pain and disgust. "All right, all right, so maybe I was lying." He calmed the young Harry by promising to tell the REAL story. 


	3. Chapter 3

Blee bleee bleeee

Lily was as we say, a 'train wreck.' She was in the end of her sixth year, prone to epileptic seizures, pudgy, and was constantly trying to hide her sixth finger. For six years, Snape had teased her unmercifully, with good reason. Since I hated Snape so much, that little stuck up prig, I decided to be nice to her, just to make him mad. He wanted Lily to have no friends. One day, in our Muggle Studies class when our professor showed us what he called 'anime.' So when it started playing, and the super hero's eyes started to flash with their death rays, I was the first to notice Lily writhing and twitching exuberantly on the floor. I helped her to the hospital wing, and got her helmet for her, and ever since then we were friends. We wrote to each other over the summer, so there was no surprise when on the Hogwarts express next year, our seventh year, Lily had lost the weight, been miraculously cured of her disorder, and her sixth finger had fallen off. Well, she was a babe, and no mistake young Harry. So I married her and had you…

  


Harry was no longer smiling. He was just staring at his father. James started looking shiftily all around the room. Harry's face began to crease up, as if he was going to cry again. James looked around panicked. "Ok! OK! So I was lying again. Can't a guy have some artistic license?" All of the sudden, an owl from Dumbledore appeared.


	4. Chapter 4

James-

Why don't you try a simple sleeping spell? I would have thought that the Head Boy would have more sense than to wake up a Headmaster who needs his sleep with petty questions about children. Oh well, it's time for my midnight snack of bran. Gotta keep regular. Important for a wizard. Anyways, regular bewitchment is good for children.

-Albus Dumbledore

"Hey! That's a good idea! Why didn't I think of that…" He whipped out his mahogany wand and tried to spell his little tyke. Whazzam! Harry giggled as the charm bounced and shot back at his father. James had time to say, "Damn, that kids like a mirror, I forgot," before conking out. 

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Luckily, Lily was on her way home. She walked into her living room to find her husband sprawled on the floor and her child clapping his hands on the couch. She picked up the letter from Dumbledore and read it quickly. She sighed.

"Not again. How many times do I have to tell James NOT to curse our son? Maybe this will turn out well in the long run. I suppose, if he is hit with a spell powerful enough, it might break this reflector thing he has going on. Until then," she yelled in James' ear, "DON'T TRY TO CAST SPELLS ON HARRY!!!!" Lily tried to get Harry to sleep normally, but then ran into the problem that had James trying to magic his son to sleep. She sighed. "Maybe I should tell you how your father and I met…" Harry quieted at that and stared at his mother. She stared back at him. "Don't do that. It's creepier than your eternal smiling. Anyway…"

  
Boo doo doo Boo doo doo Boo doo doo (Lily's is a little different)

So, James was like, totally the captain of the football- I mean Quidditch team. And I was like, the most popular girl in school! Well anyway, I was like, working on the school paper when he swaggered into the room, so totally hot and I mean, yeah! So like, he and I were…talking…and stuff, and we had like, so much in common. I mean, we were like totally connected! So we like started going out, and it was like, meant to be, you know?

Harry stared at his mother. Again. She was so creeped out that she stopped her story. "If I tell you what really happened, will you stop staring at me? Harry continued his stare. "Ok, fine." (end of chapter)

  
Boo doo doo Boo doo doo Boo doo doo

It was our second year, and I got to the train late. When I got on, the only empty seat was next to James. He accidentally kicked me in the shins. I got angry. He apologized; I thought he was kind of cute. It was a long train ride, so I started flirting. We became friends, then started dating a few years later. End of story.

When she stopped her story, Harry was asleep. She put him in his crib and thanked God. Good thing she didn't go into the real details…sure the story was true. Just a little bland. Crafted to bore…mwahahahahha….

  
THE END? I THINK NOT!

  
But for all our intents and purposes, yes the story is over. OR is it?

  
Yes.

  
NO

  
YES

  
No?

  
YES!

  
Fine.

  
Oh all right, it'll be over till we get really bored again, okay?

  
Fine, great.

  
PLEASE REVIEW!


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